- Your living room
sofa spends more time on stage than you do.
- You have your
own secret family recipe for stage blood.
- You think Neil
Simon is a misunderstood genius.
- You've ever
driven around the back of stores looking for discards that can be used
for set pieces.
- You can find
something in the prop room that hasn't been used for ten years, but
you don't know where your own vacuum cleaner is.
- You have a
Frequent Shopper Card at the Salvation Army.
- You've ever
cleaned a tuxedo with a Magic marker.
- You've ever
appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue.
- You've ever been
involved with a show where tech week is devoted to getting the running
time under four and a half hours.
- You've ever done
an English murder mystery where half the cast spoke with southern
accents.
- You've ever done
a show where the cast outnumbered the audience.
- You've ever
gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for
auditions.
- The audience
recognizes you the minute you walk onstage because they saw you taking
out the trash before the show.
- You've ever had
to haul a sofa offstage between scenes wearing an evening gown and
heels.
- You've ever had
to haul a sofa offstage between scenes wearing an evening gown and
heels – and you're a guy.
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- You've ever seen
an actor lean out through a window without opening it first.
- You've ever had
to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was really drunk.
- You've ever
heard a chorus member complain that the music keeps changing tempos
when it's on CD.
- You've ever
heard an actor call for a line – in front of an audience.
- You've ever
heard a crewmember say "Just paint it black – no one will ever see
it."
- You've ever been
told, "Use the duct tape. If that doesn't work, we'll hot-glue it."
- The set designer
tells you not to walk on the left half of the stage because the
paint's still wet – five minutes before curtain.
- The reason your
director has no eyebrows is because he handled special effects for the
last show.
- You've ever
played the father of someone your father's age.
- You've ever
scheduled your vacation time to coincide with tech week.
- Your family is
more than 50 percent of the staff.
- You name your
son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honor of the French
side of the family.
- Your kids know
your rehearsal schedule better than you do.
- Your kids know
your lines better than you do.
- Your kids deliver
your lines better than you do.
- You get home
from rehearsal and have to go back to the theatre because you forgot
your kids.
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